‘Everyone has a story – it doesn’t need to be a bestseller!’

If you’ve ever had to organise things after a loved one dies, you will know how much there is to think about. And then your friendly neighbourhood celebrant turns up and asks a whole bucket load of questions that you end up wishing you knew the answer to!

The thing here is this. One day — not today, and preferably a very long time from now — people are going to stand up and talk about you. They’ll share stories. They’ll laugh. They might even cry (hopefully at the right bits).And while it’s lovely to think the people who love you know you inside and out… there are probably a few things they don’t.

It all just adds to the things that are already difficult about the whole situation.

So, you have a chance to make sure that doesn’t happen. The information below can be used to start writing a little about your life – everyone has a story – it doesn’t need to be a bestseller!

Tell me about your childhood…..

So, the beginning is as good a place as any to start…..Your family may not know much if you’ve never really talked about it. So; what was it like?

We learn a lot in our early years, the people around us really influence us as we grow up.

So, I bet your childhood was more interesting than you think it was!

If the idea of writing about your childhood makes you think, “Well… that’s a big topic,” you’re not alone. Childhood can feel messy, fuzzy, joyful, complicated — sometimes all at once.

The good news? You’re not writing a history book. You’re just leaving a few signposts.

Start With What Comes Easily

Begin with the things that pop into your head without effort. Often that’s a clue they matter. You might write about:

• Where you grew up
• Who you spent the most time with
• A place that felt like home
• Something you loved doing as a child

If a memory makes you smile, pause, or laugh out loud — it’s probably worth including.

Focus on Feeling, Not Facts

Dates and timelines are helpful, but what people really connect to are feelings. Instead of worrying about when something happened, try thinking about:

• What made you feel safe
• What made you feel brave
• What scared you
• What made you feel seen or proud

A simple line like, “I was a shy child who found confidence on the football field,” can say more than a full paragraph of detail.

It’s Okay If It Wasn’t Perfect

Not everyone has a rosy childhood — and that’s okay. You don’t need to gloss over difficult parts or share anything you’re not comfortable with. You can acknowledge challenges gently, without going into detail:

• “My childhood taught me resilience.”
• “It wasn’t always easy, but it shaped who I became.”

Honesty, even in small doses, helps your story feel real.

Think About What It Gave You

Childhood often leaves us with lasting traits, values, or quirks. You might reflect on:

• Lessons you learned early in life
• Values that stayed with you into adulthood
• Habits or sayings you carried forward
• The people who influenced you most

This helps connect your childhood to the person you became — and that connection is often what listeners cherish most.

Little Details Matter More Than You Think

The small things bring memories to life:

• A favourite game
• A family tradition
• A smell, sound, or place
• Something you always got told off for!

These details paint a picture and help others truly see your younger self.

A few lines are enough. You don’t need to cover everything — just enough to give a sense of where you began.

Because those early chapters? They set the scene for the rest of the story!!

Cupid’s Arrow

Love’s little messenger has shot his arrow at most of us in this life. So what about you? This could be quite a fun thing to talk about, actually…..

• When and where did you meet your partner?
• What was your first impression of them – how did they win you over?
• How long were you/have you been together?
• What’s your relationship like – why has it stood the test of time?

These are all things to consider. I spoke to a lady once whose husband pursued her for the best part of 10 years, in various places in the world. Eventually having to carry groceries up 10 flights of stairs for her did the trick….who knew a broken lift was the answer to his prayers??!!

Not everyone has a story like that, but how we meet the person we spend our life with is an important part of our story.

The apples of your eye, your greatest achievement, blah blah blah…..

What was it like being a parent? Your kids will have their opinion on how you measured up as a parent, but this is something we celebrants don’t often get the inside line on.

I have often spoken to someone’s children about what they were like as a Mum or a Dad. But rarely do we get the chance to talk to the parent themselves about what life was like for them….

• What was it like becoming a parent? Exciting, nerve-wracking?
• What did you always try and teach your kids? Did they listen?!
• What has made you proud of them?
• Any memories in particular of them growing up?

• Becoming Grandparents – how did THAT feel! (Yeah, I know – you didn’t think you were old enough…until you were!)
• What do you enjoy most about being a Nanny or a Grandad…..?

My parents will tell you I was the perfect child of course (?!) but I think they would also tell you that they tried to encourage me to follow my dreams, that it was hard to let me go, to let me make my mistakes, but they just tried to be there for me. So how about you?

This is about the stories only YOU can tell…..

It is so easy to assume that for those memorable moments in life, that our families know us completely. But this may not be the case in reality. When it comes to reflecting on your life, they may realise (or maybe not) that there are important pieces missing.

Not because they don’t matter, but because they weren’t written down. Even the closest families may not know;

• why a particular song moves you to tears,
• an achievement you are secretly proud of
• the challenge that quietly shaped who you became
• the values you held onto when no one was watching
• the lessons you learned the hard way, and hoped others might learn one day, too.

Some stories live only in our thoughts. Others feel too personal, too small, or too “ordinary” to share out loud. And yet, these are often the very things that give a life its depth and truth. When the time comes for your story to be spoken — whether in celebration or remembrance your family will do their very best. But without your words, they are left to guess.

You don’t need perfect sentences or deep philosophical insights. A few notes, a list, or a rambling page of thoughts is more than enough. Write like you speak. Write like you.

You can include:

• The story you always hoped someone would tell
• The values you lived by
• The things that made you laugh
• The legacy you hope you’ve left

So, make a cuppa and make a start…!

Even a handful of lines can make all the difference. Putting your thoughts on paper isn’t gloomy or dramatic — it’s actually incredibly thoughtful. It gives your loved ones:

• Confidence that they’re honouring you properly
• Permission to share the stories that matter most
• Comfort in knowing they’re speaking with you, not for you

And best of all, it allows your voice to be part of the conversation — even when you’re not in the room.

I conducted a service for a lady some time ago, and the family came across her requests for music, and poetry in her personal papers. But they also found a short document that she wrote about her life. She wrote about how she had tried to live; she recognised her mistakes and how she learnt from them. Her gratitude for the family and friends who loved her, and who she had loved in return over the years. And I cannot tell you how powerful it was to effectively hear her voice in that service. It is a funeral that will live long in my memory.

As a celebrant, I see how powerful it is when someone has taken the time to leave their own words behind. The stories feel richer. The laughter comes easier. The moments feel more you.

So yes — one day, they’re going to talk about you.

You might as well give them something good to say.